04/04/2025

On being a creative

It's been a while since I made a babble. Life's been a lot - I've been going through a lot of personal changes, and the world around me is changing too, and I've been working a ton. Work's been great though! I love what I do, even if I find focus difficult sometimes. Of course, working in animation, I'm under an NDA, so I can't really talk about what I'm doing, but it's been nice to work on. I even picked up some more work with another project recently! It fits nicely into my schedule, the role is something that will help me with my portfolio and where I want to go in my career, and it's in a software I'm very comfortable with! But ugh, I keep proving to myself that the best way for me to come up with new ideas for projects is to already have too much on my plate. And it wouldn't be too much of an issue, but the project told me its name, so now I guess I *have* to work on it! On top of all the other stuff I want to work on, and need to work on, and want and need to maintain, and want to help my friends with, and and and and.....

I had a dream last night. I don't remember all of it aside from this - I was climbing an enormous eucalyptus tree, in the middle of a white-out. It wasn't snowing, but there was thick powder snow covering everything. I came across the most beautiful birds - a pair of pale blue and white parrots, like lovebirds but larger, with black eyes and fluffy feathers. I wanted so badly to sit with them. I wanted so badly to keep climbing the tree and keep exploring the mindscape. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there were 10 other tasks I needed to be doing at that time. And yet, I couldn't tear myself away from the birds. I ended up waking up way earlier than I needed to as the stress overtoook me. I wish I'd stayed with the birds.

At my core, I am a person who wants to make. I want to create a life that is comfortable for myself and everyone dear to me. I want to sink my teeth into all the experiences life has to offer; the pleasure, the pain, the heartache, the joy, the mudanity, and everything in between. I so desperately want to do everything, always, flawlessly and efficiently. But I am prone to burning myself out, and I struggle to prioritise what I'm working on - I always have, and I think I always will. I just need to make sure all this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. If I'm smart about how I spend my time, I think I can get it all done. And when my birthday rolls around next summer, I'll spend a nice long week at the beach.

19/01/2025

To the tune of about 38 mini quiches.

I have made a grave miscalculation. In my defence I was kinda winging parts of the recipe. So as well as 38 mini quiches, we also have some mix for scrambled eggs, since I ran out of crust and couldn't be bothered making more (I doubled every part of the recipe - big mistake, shouldn've just doubled the crust). The kitchen smells great tho so I recon they'll be tasty... We also had a bunch of old fruit and I have a fancy kinda food processor that can chill and mix at the same time, so I made some sorbet! Cooking is so much fun hehehe.

Sometimes I talk to my friends about this fantasy I have about what I might do if I retire (pretty slim, but maybe possible) - I wanna open up an american style diner somewhere near the beach, maybe Altona? It is a place that means a lot to me. Or maybe it would make more sense to find a place between cities, to get the truckers and interstate-travellers. Anyway, when I say american style, I mean a proper New Jersey Diner, with the black drip-brewed coffee and the case of pies in the front, and I wanna be open 24/7, but if I can't I'll settle for an 8-10 open hours. I call this a retirement fantasy cause I think I'd start to hate food if I had to cook for a living. I wanna keep the food cheap too - make enough to pay staff and buy what I need for the restaurant, but put more emphasis on feeding people. Actually tonight I figured out what I wanna call the place - Cecille's, after my grandma. She was a great cook back in the day and I still use some of her recipes. I'm still nailing down menu items, but among what I've figured out are silver-dollar pancakes (with maple syrup, turkey sausage and eggs - my favorite), club sandwiches, tomato soup (or lobster bisque, if I can source any lobster)... I might even attempt a cheesesteak! I also wanna put some aussie twists on stuff, and make sure everyone can eat.

Part of why I like doing lunches and dinners for my house is cause I wanna expand my repertoire with cooking. I like having it as a hobby - I don't want to go to culinary school (yet) cause again, if I started having to cook for a living, I would start to hate food. I'm trying hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food, to enjoy it, to have fun with it. And I like being able to take care of my friends - so far, the prepared lunches are a success, cause they're getting eaten, especially when the midday exhaustion hits. And y'know, if that day ever comes, that I'm able to spend my days enjoying my life, focus on making myself and others happy, and not have to worry about making a living - it means I'll know how to proceed. If in 40 years time, you come across a beachside diner named Cecille's, don't be a stranger - come on in; we have a menu the size of jupiter, but I recommend a cup of coffee, and a slice of cherry pie, and rest.

08/01/2025

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